M L Gammella’s Picture Choice: Both
You help sustain me, keeping me alive. Maybe not alive in the traditional sense, but I continue to exist because of you. I don’t think you realized the permanence of the effect you would have on me back then. You certainly do now.
For so long, I kept myself aloof and cold to everyone and anything that it became an ingrained habit. I didn’t need anyone and I didn’t want anyone. I had a few friends and interacted with people, but I didn’t let anyone in. It was safer for most anyway. My life was what it was. I was content to continue as I had been for centuries. I saw no reason to change.
Until I met you.
Despite my reserved and downright prickly personality when we first met, you still kept trying to get to know me. There was something different about me that kept you interested, you said. You had no idea how different I was ... until it was too late.
You melted the ice from my veins and the frost from my body, something I didn’t think was possible. I fought it for a long time, but you were far too persistent and irresistible. It was more than my attraction to your mind or your body ... but what was in your body too. It was something I had denied myself for so long, and here you had to dangle something so tantalizing right in front of me.
Sometimes, I think you knew what you were doing all along.
I tried to warn you when you kept coming around, but you refused to listen. You laughed and kept right on talking to me. When I finally relented and agreed to a single date, I didn’t think anything could possibly come out of it. You’d have your curiosity satisfied and my boredom would be relieved for a few hours. Except, one date turned into two, two turned into three, and then we were inseparable. I don’t think anyone was more surprised than I was to find myself in a relationship.
I was horrified when you told me you loved me. You couldn’t love me. It was a pointless endeavor. We would never work, at least not long term. When I said you had a death wish, you shrugged it off. You shouldn’t have, because I made that wish come true.
As much as I enjoyed our time together, and even falling in love with you in return, I knew eventually you’d be taken away from me. I mourned every moment we had –even while treasuring every one of them— knowing it was one more moment closer to your last. You always asked why I looked so sad. I was missing you before you were ever gone.
It was just a matter of time, before you left me. I tried to resist for so long, but it was against my nature. I cried as it happened, not able to stop myself. And yet, as you faded away, you had a smile on your face and clutched to me that much harder. It was like you knew it would happen this way.
Perhaps you did after all.
You said we’d always be together, and now we are. Your blood flows through my veins. My heart is perfect because you are inside.
M L Gammella lives in Ohio with her husband and their three pets. She is currently working on her first novel, a paranormal suspense based in Maine. Please follow her at @MLGammella and visit her website at Onward to the Written Word.